Resolute Resolutions

Dearest Followers, Readers and Folks Who Got Here Purely By Accident,

It is now a new year.
And, of course, I wish you and yours a happy, healthy, prosperous and, above all, courteous two thousand twelve.

Now, with that folderol out of the way, I am begging you - yes BEGGING you - to make this the year of living courteously and toward that end I have some suggestions of resolutions we could all take to heart.

• Beginning with me, I will make sure that if I'm wearing a hooded coat or parka I will PAY ATTENTION to those around me because my peripheral vision SUCKS.
• Starting today I will stop getting in other people's way because I've got ear buds in my ears or am texting on the street or in crowded places and then giving THEM dirty looks when they bring it to my attention.
• For the good of all man- and woman-kind I will leave my young children with Grandma or a sitter when I choose to go to the theater or any movie racier than a G rating.
• In a large movie theater that has less than a dozen people attending the showing, I will not choose a seat DIRECTLY in front or directly behind anyone who arrived before me. And in any theater I will try to avoid sitting behind anyone at all if I am going to be coughing and sneezing throughout the film thereby endangering the other patrons' health.
• This year I will be supremely aware that I am not the only person in the world. I'm going to remember that I may be the most important person in MY world but we all have worlds of our own and should respect people's feelings, space and time.
• Life is not fair. If I begin to think that life is fair that is the best that I can hope for my life to be....not excellent, not brilliant, not wonderful....just fair.
• People do not owe me anything. I am an adult and I am responsible for my own happiness, wealth and reputation. Nobody can give me anything that I can't and shouldn't get for myself. I am NOT entitled to special treatment just for being me. Unlike pee wee baseball, I am not entitled - nor should I receive - accolades for just showing up. This is the real world and I'm going to have to remember that.
• Stay the hell out of my way as a pedestrian and I promise to stay the hell out of yours. (Yes, I know that was sort of a repetition of an earlier one but let's face facts it's a big problem here!)
• If and when I come to your home town, I will not sit on your front lawn without an invitation or congregate in front of your door only to get pissed off or offended when asked by the residents to move out of the way...how about you afford me the same consideration in my home town?
• While walking around your town I promise to try to be aware of the people walking around me - such people to always include folks on their way to or from work, appointments and other normal day-to-day responsibilities - and I promise to NOT walk six abreast with my friends or family at the slowest pace imaginable all the while remembering that THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO LIVE AND WORK HERE and just because I'm on vacation and have nowhere pressing to be, the locals most likely are not and do!

I don't want to overwhelm you with my list but if it inspires you to write - and in turn live by - one of your own then my New Year's Work is done here!

Have a happy, healthy and prosperous one!

- SSG

Auld Lang Syne....For Idiots

Dearest Readers and Followers,
I sincerely hope that you have been enjoying your holiday season so far and that it has been peaceful with no adverse incident.
Mine, my dear ones, has been wonderful - mainly because I made a pact with myself to try and avoid retail shopping and the insanely, pressure-filled and idiotic times it tends to bring.
Stress management has been my call to arms this season and I think it's worked.

It seems that when I treat my humble abode like an engraved invitation to agoraphobia, not only do I manage to get more done, but I also seem to keep my blood pressure in check, keep my head on straight and - SOMEHOW - keep from murdering stupid people!

BUT, my friends, I believe that that could be about to change.

Yes, it's coming up on New Year's Eve. It's the one evening of the year that the amateur partiers come into my neighborhood to make asses and bloody nuisances of themselves.
Oh, yes, you might say that the same happens on Saint Patrick's Day, but it's not just the Irish and wannabe Irish on New Year's. Oh, no! It's everyone who shares the common calendar with the rest of the world.

I have never quite understood the draw of standing in the cold (and often rainy) night with hundreds of thousands of strangers in a roiling mass of bodies waiting to see a crystal ball be lowered on a stick above your damp and freezing head. But I have lived and worked in the Times Square neighborhood for a decade and a half now and I can tell you that this mass hysteria is NOT a good thing.

People, STAY HOME! Watch the ball drop on television. Drink (if you must and in moderation) in the relative comfort and safely of your own homes and DO NOT GET BEHIND THE WHEEL OF A CAR!

I may not LIKE stupid and thoughtless people but I would never wish them the kind of dreadful experience of crashing a vehicle - or into someone else's just because they didn't have the brains G-d gave a turnip.

Please, be safe this Saturday night and live to annoy people another day!

Happy New Year!

-SSG

Happy Thanksgiving - No, Really

Dearest Readers, Followers and Friends,

I would be remiss, as a proponent of good etiquette and polite behavior, if I didn't wish all of you a wonderful holiday.

 

May you all show your thanks this year by treating each other with kindness, respect and the love you would like to receive.

- SSG

Attention Shoppers

Dearest Readers, Neighbors, Followers and Friends,

I'd like to spend a few moments on a little thing that is going to turn into a BIG thing very soon.

SHOPPING.

 

Yes, the holidays and personal gift giving are right around the corner. In fact, some of you consider Thanksgiving as merely the carbo-loading necessary to make it through the marathon that is shopping in the city.

There is, in my opinion, something else that we all should load up on before we venture out into the sea of the unwashed, the rude, the bargain hunters and the tourists (which is a group that can combine all of the above after all).

That thing is manners. It's important to mention that manners and politeness in this difficult time are pivotal products o one other thing that we tend to have a lack of.....PATIENCE.

If a an entire family of tourists doesn't know any better and stops dead in its tracks to look up in the air at "OOH! Something Shiny!" and, thus, blocks your thoughtfully considered and timely progress try to be patient and ask them - without irony in your voice - if you may pass.

When you are in a crowd, an "excuse me" or an after-the-fact "pardon me" can mean a lot more than a "Happy Holidays" to the average person but, to nip the problem in the bud, JUST WAIT YOUR TURN!

The moment or two that you save by jumping a space in line or pushing your way to the front are really not worth the temporary hatred that your actions are going to instill in those around you.
Also, remember a wonderful adage of the modern era - You can shop online now, save money, have things wrapped and delivered to their recipient and not be forced to piss yourself off or those around you in the process. So, log on to your trusty computer and shop at home if at all possible!

ag·o·ra·pho·bia noun \ˌa-g(ə-)rə-ˈfō-bē-ə\ : abnormal fear of being helpless in an embarrassing or unescapable situation that is characterized especially by the avoidance of open or public places

Now I'm not suggesting that agoraphobia is a disorder to be cherished. No, NO! Just appreciate it for what a temporary case can do for you and those around you if contracted by choice!

Have yourselves a merry little (      insert celebration here       ) and be thoughtful, kind and safe.

- SSG

AH, That Time Has Come 'Round Again!

Dearest Readers & Followers - and those who have haphazardly lost their way on the daunting web,

That time surely has come 'round again.
That time of glistening brows, expectant faces, sticky fingers and mists twinkling in the air.
Am I talking about the holidays with all those sugarplums so near at hand?

NO!

I'm talking Cold and Flu Season!

Those glistening brows have been brought on by fever, expectant faces by never knowing from where the next hacking cough will issue forth, sticky fingers digging for lozenges (elbows akimbo in even the smallest and tightest of places) and the twinkling in the air? The unconfined spray from uncovered sneezes and coughs in those aforementioned contained spaces.

It's not rocket science folks - COVER YOUR DAMN MOUTHS WHEN YOU COUGH AND SNEEZE!

WHAT?!? You mean ME? OOOOOOH! I thought the rule was "cover my infected pie-hole only when and if I think about it!"

I recently witnessed a man on the subway of this fair city playing some sort of game on his smart phone.
Side bar: Apparently, you can buy a smart phone now even if you're decidedly...well... NOT.

But, I digress....

I saw this man using his phone on the train, playing some video game or another, which apparently required both of his hands and the lion's share of his tiny intellect. When he felt the overwhelming urge to sneeze, he did so....all over the person standing in front of him, spraying her with whatever cooties he was playing host to at that moment. And not just once, mind you....but THREE TIMES!!!

I know what you're going to ask.....Did he cover his mouth? Did he let go of the insipid electronic game he was playing, even with one hand?!?
No, dear ones, he did not.
And when the poor receptacle of his stupidity AND germs asked him to cover his mouth he looked back at her dumbfounded! As if he had never heard of the concept of germs and bacteria flying through the air and indiscriminately latching onto and subsequently infecting whatever or whomever is in its path.

And was this some kid? Wet behind the ears, whose parents never tried to steer him in the polite and healthier direction of keeping his maladies to himself? NO. He was, by my assessment, in his late forties or early fifties. SHAMEFUL.

Now, come ON! You don't have to be brilliant to figure out that that is wrong - not to mention disgusting and rude.

Please, dear friends and readers, let's all try, this season to teach by good example and should that not work, let's round up all the idiots and force them to watch a screening of the recent release of the critically acclaimed film, Contagion, and further enhance their experience by providing one BIG, communal tub of of germ-ridden popcorn!

Please, stay healthy!

- SSG

Trick or.....Whatever

Dear Readers and Followers,

It's very close to Halloween, Hallowe'en, All Hallow's Eve....whatever you want to call it, let's go through a couple ground rules, shall we?

This is (primarily) a children's holiday. The costumes, the scary ghouls, goblins and ghosts and the candy...let's not forget the candy!

SO, here's what I'd like to see but what I'm, sadly, convinced will NOT be the case.

1. This IS a children's holiday but that should mean MORE parental and guardian supervision not less! 
2. If you have a child in your care who is wearing a mask that limits their vision, PAY ATTENTION that the kid isn't haphazardly banging into other people. This means WATCH YOUR D@MN KIDS. Not ignoring your children is particularly important on the one night of the year that you're actually condoning the begging of candy from virtual strangers. Try not to put your child's or mere pedestrians' lives at risk as well.
3. Not EVERYone thinks your costumed child (dog or cat) is the cutest thing in the entire world and, surprisingly, has no interest in standing around while you block everyone's path to take countless pictures.
4. Don't gawk at men dressed as women or women dressed as men. Sometimes, this holiday is the only day of the year that some buttoned up and otherwise shy individuals allow themselves to let their freak-flags fly.
5. Feel free to gawk at tourists who wear no costumes and just stand around gawking at others who do.
6. Please, please, PLEASE don't be the spoil sport who gives toothbrushes and toothpaste to trick-or-treaters. This is a day for hedonism and you don't want to be THAT guy who poops on the party.
7. And PLEASE don't be that kid (or their parent) who rings the doorbell and proclaims, "Trick-or-treat! I have/my Mikey has a peanut allergy!" If your kid has an allergy, don't make it the generous candy-giver's problem. Go through the little tyke's candy when you get home!
8. Above all, be thoughtful, careful, safe and have fun....without pissing anyone else off on your way because no one ever taught you how to behave in public!

Now, of course, I know that my gentle readers and thoughtful followers would NEVER do any of these terrible things. But I also know that we ALL know SOMEONE who would, and does and we can pass this along to them!

Happy Hallowe'en.......Oh, and BOO!

- SSG

Happy Birthday To Me - A Christmas Miracle?

My Dear Friends, Followers and Readers,

Yes, it is my birthday. But I didn't mention it to force fond wishes, cards, large floral tributes or more cake than anyone in his or her right mind would be wise to consume.

No. I mentioned it because of the date. October 17. That's right. October.

Why is that particular month and date being so hard hit by my blog today? Funny you should ask!

No, it's not because I have been so busy and life has been so crazy-making that I haven't put an update on my blog since the last week in September and I'm apologizing to the small (but faithful) group that reads my entries - though I really ought to do just that!

No, it's because it's October. OCTOBER. We are still two weeks premature for Hallowe'en.
I ventured out to shop for a little gift today for a loved one and, what did I see? Hallowe'en decorations? Yes, but those have been up virtually since the fourth of July.

What I saw that kinda spooked me more than the goblins and spooks were CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS! You betcha! Christmas. We haven't even been able to go up to strangers' doors and yell "Trick or Treat!" at the top of our lungs when we are being forced to change our tune to our favorite holiday carol.

Now, please don't get me wrong. I love the holiday season as much as the next guy - probably more because I'm in a mixed marriage and I get to celebrate them ALL.
But, didn't we just get done with Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur?!! Those are traditional autumnal celebrations followed by Sukkot - the festival of the HARVEST.

No wise men, no tinsel, no mistletoe.....at least not yet, please. Let us enjoy the fall. The leaves turning. Maybe a little turkey and dressing...A pumpkin pie, or in my case, a modest birthday cake, before the rush of the holidays commences. I promise to celebrate with fervor and optimum excitement!

Not exactly a question of Urban Etiquette, but thanks for letting me vent! After all, I'm old now and it comes so naturally.

- SSG