"Can I get a glass of water over here?"
"Can I have the roast beef on wheat with lettuce and tomato on the side?"
"Can I ask you a question?"
Can this insidious habit get more annoying? YES. I'm afraid it can. And does. And will.
Just for the record, the correct wording of those first three sentences is missing two things.
Firstly, the phrase "May I..."
And secondly, they should always end with that ever-dwindling magic word. No, not "NOW".... "PLEASE".
But, surprisingly enough, this blog isn't truly about the decimation of the English language.
It's about the difference between being "in service" and being "servile".
And it is, of course, about the sad comment on manners and polite deportment that seems to pervade lately and seemingly force people to be rude to the point of cruelty to their servers in restaurants.
I remember some of my best times in the realm of gainful employment were in restaurants working as a server, a singing waiter and eventually a staff training manager. The work was not too difficult (though it did have its exceptions) and with tips it seemed that there was almost instant gratification for a job well done. But, of course, all was not always sunshine and lollipops in that world. Some of the bad times were inherent in the business and some were as a result of customers' thoughtless actions.
And, this being my place at the helm of this blog, I will share some of them with you.
I started "in service" at a very young age, in the most potentially awkward and embarrassing way possible. My family lived in a very wealthy suburb of Chicago and decidedly NOT because we were well to do. No, my parents made the decision to raise their family in the very best neighborhood that they could...ahem...afford so that we kids would have good schools, clean quiet streets and nice friends.
Now, that's a really great idea in theory but it doesn't always make for the easiest of childhoods when all of your friends are going horseback riding or skiing or traveling hither and yon and, though they invite you along, you are not able to do the things your friends do....like hanging out at the local country club...where YOU are employed as a caddy and a busboy for banquet events.
I was thirteen when I was carrying golf bags for my friends' fathers and mothers and filling water glasses and clearing plates for the families from whom I was living down the street.
Please don't get me wrong! I was grateful for the work and the opportunity to make some money to help out at home and to have a few of the things that teenagers all want and that their parents consider luxuries and these jobs cemented my work ethic for later in life. But they also showed me a lot about what it's like to be considered servile - below the station of those people whose needs you're fulfilling at any given time.
I have always maintained that there is a BIG difference between being "in service" and being "servile" and a lot of it has to do with how you serve; meaning, of course, that that big difference comes from within ourselves as servers and NOT from the customer/guest/employer.
I worked hard at trying not to feel "less than" during those summers and got pretty good at it once I got more friendly with the club members who actually began to take an interest in the hard working caddy/busboy/waiter/valet that they saw every year and began to request more and more.
I became a person to them and not just HOW the bag got carried and how the water glass get filled.
They asked me about my schoolwork, what colleges I was applying to, what shows I was working on.
Being personable and open to talk to these people - when asked, of course - was what got me in the top ten of all two hundred some caddies on the links and chosen to work for the members that were the front runners in the club tournaments.
The basic message here to service people is, if you carry yourself like a real person you'll be more likely to be treated as such.
The basic message here to people who are in the position of being served is BE NICE. Treat the service people like...well...people and WHAT?! LOOK AT THAT! You'll be treated accordingly.
I can't tell you how often an end cut of the prime rib shows up on my plate just because I made a waiter laugh or I was remembered and called when something I wanted in a store came available, only due to treating the salesperson with respect.
Just put yourself in their shoes. Call it the Golden Rule, call it common sense or (un)common courtesy, call it what you will, but it's been true for centuries...You catch more bees with honey than with vinegar.
So, give it a try. Add a please and a thank you for starters and see how your world changes. Then you can take a step further and stop being so demanding, gruff and insensitive. I think you'll be amazed at the outcome.
Let me know how it works out for you!
-SSG
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