I wonder if I might take a moment to chat a bit about public parenting.
There are a few subsets that this group of observations and comments might very well take and this, dear friends, is where I wish I had a MUCH bigger readership because I honestly don't think the parents that are - Oh, I do hate to use the word 'guilty' but - GUILTY of these thoughtless acts are doing these things with malice or forethought.
No, I truly believe it's due to ignorance and NO thought!
First - SAFETY
Now, I have nothing but the greatest respect for parents and the pressures and responsibilities they incur when they bring a child into the world, but if I see one more man or woman push a stroller off the sidewalk and out into oncoming traffic because they have no idea of their and/or their baby's personal space, I'M GONNA CALL CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES!
Oftentimes this safety breach is encountered because the parent (or nanny) is busy talking on a cell phone (and, OH BOY, you just KNOW we're going get to those in an upcoming blog entry - or ten)
But sometimes it's because the stroller-pusher just doesn't have the sense God gave a radish!
And please, I know all the information on how difficult it is to quit smoking. But this is a CHILD, people. The greatest gift on the planet bar NONE. You've got to KNOW it's killing you and YOU have the ability to choose for yourself....they don't.
Wouldn't you think a child's health and safety is worth a nicotine patch or two to insure their future health when you also know how many other things are out there just gunnin' for us! Things that we can't control?!
Also, these are little humans. They have all the wonder and curiosity in the world without the experience or common sense that you would think their parents could provide. PAY ATTENTION to them and keep them safe. Even if you're not "Smarter Than A Fifth Grader", my LORD, you've GOT to be smarter than a toddler!
Second - DISCIPLINE
Now I want to go on record by saying I love children. I am blessed enough to be a parent but I have never been responsible for raising a child on a day to day basis - again, nothing but the greatest respect for those who do - but here's the thing...
NObody loves your child or will ever love your child as much as you do. It's a fact.
But - and here is where it gets touchy - parents ALL have the tendency to become immune to their own child's screaming, yelling, crying, hitting, pooping, spitting up, drooling, etc. I think it's God's way of keeping us, as a species, from eating our young. Self preservation of sanity and the bloodlines.
HOWEVER, you have to remember that, in public, a different set of social mores MUST be adhered to to keep the social peace and to save your child.
If you travel with your child, if you go to a hotel with your child, if you bring your child to a mall or a restaurant, a theater or a family event, make sure first that it's an age appropriate venue.
Or - here's a SHOCKER - DON'T BRING THEM!
Children under a certain age SHOULD NOT be brought to the movies (especially anything racier than a G rating) or - heaven forbid - live theater just because you don't want to spring for a sitter. Yeah, I know live and filmed entertainment is expensive, but remember that everyone else attending paid for the experience as well and the misbehavior of your child basically flushes their investment down the potty.
Simply put, a hotel lobby is NOT a playground and should not be treated as such while you are at the front desk or talking to the concierge. Jae tells me that the number of people who ask him to watch their child while they run to the washroom or check the desk for messages is both astounding and appalling.
So, you've been invited to a wedding! How nice. Did the invitation mention you and a guest? You and your husband, wife or partner? Now....did it say anything about bringing your kid(s)? No?
THEN DON'T.
Children need constant supervision and oftentimes special, non adult, food that it is not your hosts' responsibility to provide. Please don't assume that because you have been graciously included in an event that you have carte blanche to bring tiny humans in tow. The polite things to do in these circumstances are those following - in descending order of preference.
- Send your regrets and best wishes for the special day WITHOUT mentioning anything that will allude to the reasons and guilt the hosts into reluctantly inviting the little ones.
- If you are close to the hosts and can find out in a gentle unassuming way if the festivities will be child friendly, find out that information and make your informed r.s.v.p. decision afterward. THEN INFORM YOUR HOSTS if you plan to bring anyone who was not specifically invited in plenty of time. A text or email is NOT appropriate.
- Make it clear to your hosts that if there is a ceremony involved in the event, that you would like your children to accompany you to witness it but you will, unfortunately, not be able to stay for any subsequently planned party or reception. Remember, it's your hosts' day and it is not designed to be marred by children who can't behave appropriately.
A child's misbehavior in public is rarely, if ever, the fault of the child. It is the responsibility of the adult to teach them how to behave.
With your indulgence, just in case anyone has missed the inherent import of that last line I'm going to repeat it all in caps.
A CHILD'S MISBEHAVIOR IN PUBLIC IS RARELY, IF EVER, THE FAULT OF THE CHILD. IT IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE ADULT TO TEACH THEM HOW TO BEHAVE.
Now I know that there are a lot of variables to provide an argument for the above, but for the purposes of this forum, I'd rather err on the side of severity to make a point about the lack of attention paid to the problem these days. Children need to be educated about manners and deportment. It's for their own safety, your peace of mind and the well being of everyone around you and them.
I am not a supporter of corporal punishment of any kind.
That said, the opposite of spanking is NOT letting children get away with murder.
Those parents who decline to discipline their children so as not to damage their self esteem or their spirit, professing to fear crushing their creativity or some such idiocy are not doing their children any favors.
Children will never learn self discipline without role models or illustrations by adult example.
If they are allowed to run amok they learn nothing BUT running amok! It doesn't take a genius to figure that out, does it?
NEXT: The Big Finish
I'm going to say something that I never thought I'd have to say in my life...
Children are not accessories, status symbols or artifacts to display.
One needs to remember that, like so many things in life, what you will get out of the child-rearing experience is what you put into it.
If your child is gifted in one way or another, that's great! Your gifted child is not a club with which to beat other parents' or kids' self esteem into submission.
If child raising really was a competition, don't you think the production of a well mannered, confident, thoughtful and kind adult should be all the present you should want or deserve for a job well-done?
A few things to think about. Additions? Rebuttals? Feel free.
- SSG
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